Who Am I?

Fiorella Paua - Mother, a Nurse by profession, past President of FCAPSG authored this letter as an Introduction for her son Carlos Paua’s new support workers.

My name is Carlos Angelo Paua and I am Autistic. I was born with a brain disorder called Autism, which makes me different and special from the rest of the general population. Because of this brain abnormality, I have difficulty living in your world. Allow me to tell you about myself through my parents.

I find it hard to understand why people behave the way that they do. Relating to other people is like going to unknown territory. I prefer to be alone. When there are a lot of people doing many things, I get restless, anxious and nervous. This sensory overload shuts down my body in the form of a meltdown. This is not an overreaction to stimuli but this is an attempt by my body to tune out. During this episode I may hear words from people around me but they are all jumbled up. Often times you will see warning signs of impending overload or hypersensitivity when I cover my ears, hum or make guttural sounds.

My behavior is labeled inappropriate, disruptive and a nuisance to others, so I urge you to be sensitive to my disability by leaving me alone and soon I will calm down. I may not look at you straight in the eye but I can see you well from the corners of my eyes. I will need help to respond and connect with other people by way of picture symbols and printed words. I cannot initiate an activity without a visual aid or prompting. In order for me to do an activity, it is important that the act be taken step by step in the order of occurrence. I have to be told in advance what will happen the next day by way of a social story. My intelligence is called visual-spatial intelligence. I am good with puzzles, word searches or constructing something from a plan.

The most important feature of my disability is difficulty communicating with other people. I cannot express in words or gestures. I hear spoken words but I lack the capacity to express the way I understand these words. That connection in my brain is missing.

Lastly, I am not flexible to change. I stick to my routine whether it is self-care, nutrition or other activities of daily life and, most of all, people. It is hard for me to choose, but slowly with your help, I can now make some choices even though sometimes they are not in conformity with our world.

I am forever grateful to everyone that has touched my life in order for me to enjoy living in our world.